


when the floor of the gallows drops away i will think of you

by tsumika



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Background Enoshima Junko, Despair Disease (Dangan Ronpa), Gen, One Shot, adding this tag like a year later bc i just realised LOL, i mean she’s mentioned not by name tho just by the whole beloved thing, i straight up have no clue how 2 tag this, like the song by jls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24546013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsumika/pseuds/tsumika
Summary: mikan’s poorly written experience with despair disease
Kudos: 7





	when the floor of the gallows drops away i will think of you

Something wasn’t right. Something was terribly, terribly wrong. She couldn’t quite figure out what, but something felt horribly, horrendously off.

She didn’t feel like herself. Her thoughts were not her own, plagued by the image of someone from her past, someone she was certain she couldn’t have loved, yet her brain seemed to be adamant that, yes, she is completely head over heels in love with this person. They’re someone extremely dear to her. It was all terribly odd. Terribly, awfully odd.

There was no way to stop it. She wasn’t in control. She tried, oh how she tried, tried to have any sort of influence over the influx of terrible thoughts rattling around in her brain, but it didn’t seem to work. 

Something was wrong.

Her current duty was to watch over her sick classmates, help them out of their vulnerable states. That was her job. To keep them safe. That’s what nurses are for. But the constant barrage of thoughts never left her head. Everyone had put their faith in her to nurture their friends back to health, but then, who was left to help her? 

No one. No one was, except her beloved.

No. That’s not right. This “beloved”, they don’t exist, they can’t. It’s not right. She can do this. It’s her job. If she can help the others, she can help herself. It’s not like she’d want to bother anyone else with this anyways. It’ll be fine.

Maybe it was fine, for a little bit, but it certainly wasn’t for long. She didn’t have control anymore. This fake version of herself had taken her place, taken over her mind. They’ve swapped places in a sense. Instead of having control, instead of this horrible part of her just being a small part of her thoughts, they’ve swapped. She’s become the tiny voice with no influence over the rest of her mind. 

Now, of course this wasn’t exactly enjoyable, it wasn’t a good situation, but she thought at the very least, nothing else would change. Even though now she has little to no control over her pitiful life, she at least thought that, maybe, just maybe, there would be some mercy involved. Maybe this fake version of her would live how she wants to, maybe they’re more similar than she’d like to admit.

But that didn’t happen. Of course.

“Beloved” this, “beloved” that, everything this thing did was for her “beloved”. Her beloved. The one she loved.

No. Not her. The thing. The one this thing loved. This fake. It’s not her. It can’t be.

Her thoughts were so full of this strange person, someone she can’t even fully picture in her head. It made her want to pull her hair out, but she couldn’t even do that. She was a bystander in her own life. She just wanted it to stop. She needed it to stop.

Maybe, that thought was what pushed the fake to do what they did.

Mikan wouldn’t murder her friends. That’s not who she is. That’s never been who she is. Well, it wouldn’t have been her, she’s never really had many friends until this point, and even now it’s hard to believe they actually like her. But now she has friends, why would she murder them?

To say she was present during the actual murder would be a lie. It’s like she’d been knocked unconscious, her body being trailed around by someone else. She isn’t aware of much things anymore. It’s too difficult. It’s too difficult to wake up every morning, loving someone you don’t even know. That’s all she seems to think about anymore. 

Her beloved.

Her classmates barraged her with questions. “Why?” seemed to be the most prominent. She hated this. She hated seeing her friends in such agony, she hated knowing she was the one who caused it and she hated that she couldn’t control it anymore. It was her fault. She was going to die.

All for her beloved. All she can think about is how it’ll be all be worth it when she sees her beloved. She doesn’t believe it, but she tells her classmates anyways. It was for her beloved. She murdered one of her closest friends and her classmate for her beloved.

A beloved who doesn’t love her back. A beloved who treated her just as poorly as everyone else. Her beloved. Her dearest, sweetest beloved. 

Maybe this is what she deserves.

When the votes had been cast, she finally let it go. She let the thing speak for her. She didn’t deserve their pity, she didn’t deserve to explain herself. So she let it talk. Let it laugh at their concerns. Let it gush about its beloved. Let it ruin her classmates opinion on her. It’s what she deserves.

This was it. The end of the line. She was going to die. She supposed it’d be alright, as long as her beloved was waiting for her.

But in all honesty, she didn’t think they were.

**Author's Note:**

> HI the title’s from factories by pup PLSSS listen 2 it it’s such a good song  
> that’s mainly why I wrote this lol also kinda lowkey a vent fic but shh u didn’t hear that from me... I also wrote this bc I love mikan a lot but I haven’t played or watched anything danganronpa related in AGESSSS so plsss don’t mind if this is like mega ooc  
> anyways!!!!! feel free 2 correct anything dodgy sounding if u want idk ummmm byeeeee :))) hope u all have a good day!!


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